Overwhelmed
It's finally caught up with me. The feeling that I'll never get everything done in time.
Julian has been feeling stressed out for a while and now I've got it -- the "Oh My God, What Am I Doing?!" syndrome.
It's the middle of March. I'm planning an international move that's going to happen in about 8 months, and in the midst of all this I'm pregnant and will give birth to a second child. At the moment I'm sitting in an 1100 square foot apartment that is packed with stuff. My stuff, Julian's stuff, Enzo's stuff. I need to sort through all this stuff and figure out what we're keeping and what we're selling. I don't even know where to begin, and what specifically to take with us and what not to take. Of the things we're selling, I need to decide when to sell it. I don't want to start selling major furniture off too early, but I don't want to wait too long either.
And on top of this, my husband made the suggestion yesterday that maybe he should go a couple of weeks early to find us an apartment and start getting settled. If it were just going to be me and Enzo, I might say yes. If it were just the two of us, it wouldn't be an issue. I'm just thinking of spending 2 or 3 weeks here with a 2 month old baby and a 3.5 year old trying to get all the last minute chores taken care of, including getting the apartment cleaned and ready for us to move out, which will include repainting. If I survive that, then I have an overnight flight with the 2 kids with no help. Will I have slept at all? Probably not. Will I get mobbed at the airport by Julian's family and friends? Probably yes. Will I have smuggled a weapon on the plane to take care of things? Definitely.
Am I selfish for not wanting to have to spend these weeks alone with the children? I'm remembering the time when I was at home on maternity leave with Enzo. I was barely able to take a shower on most days, and that was a matter of impeccable timing, so that he would fall asleep in his little carrier and I would drag it to the door of the bathroom. Then Julian would get home and I would cook dinner and just relish the times when Enzo would cry and I had someone else to relieve me so I could relax a bit. I'm just thinking that if I'm here alone, I'm never going to get relief. My relief would be Enzo. I don't think that's such a good idea.
I also remember having a pretty bad case of post-partum depression. I was medicated because of having horrible feelings about my own child.
I think for those reasons it's best that I'm not left alone with the kids.
Julian has been feeling stressed out for a while and now I've got it -- the "Oh My God, What Am I Doing?!" syndrome.
It's the middle of March. I'm planning an international move that's going to happen in about 8 months, and in the midst of all this I'm pregnant and will give birth to a second child. At the moment I'm sitting in an 1100 square foot apartment that is packed with stuff. My stuff, Julian's stuff, Enzo's stuff. I need to sort through all this stuff and figure out what we're keeping and what we're selling. I don't even know where to begin, and what specifically to take with us and what not to take. Of the things we're selling, I need to decide when to sell it. I don't want to start selling major furniture off too early, but I don't want to wait too long either.
And on top of this, my husband made the suggestion yesterday that maybe he should go a couple of weeks early to find us an apartment and start getting settled. If it were just going to be me and Enzo, I might say yes. If it were just the two of us, it wouldn't be an issue. I'm just thinking of spending 2 or 3 weeks here with a 2 month old baby and a 3.5 year old trying to get all the last minute chores taken care of, including getting the apartment cleaned and ready for us to move out, which will include repainting. If I survive that, then I have an overnight flight with the 2 kids with no help. Will I have slept at all? Probably not. Will I get mobbed at the airport by Julian's family and friends? Probably yes. Will I have smuggled a weapon on the plane to take care of things? Definitely.
Am I selfish for not wanting to have to spend these weeks alone with the children? I'm remembering the time when I was at home on maternity leave with Enzo. I was barely able to take a shower on most days, and that was a matter of impeccable timing, so that he would fall asleep in his little carrier and I would drag it to the door of the bathroom. Then Julian would get home and I would cook dinner and just relish the times when Enzo would cry and I had someone else to relieve me so I could relax a bit. I'm just thinking that if I'm here alone, I'm never going to get relief. My relief would be Enzo. I don't think that's such a good idea.
I also remember having a pretty bad case of post-partum depression. I was medicated because of having horrible feelings about my own child.
I think for those reasons it's best that I'm not left alone with the kids.
posted by carrie at 3/15/2005 01:02:00 p.m.
2 Comments:
If Julian's parents were still living where they were when Julian left to come here, there would be room for us and I'm sure they would welcome us with open arms. The problem? Because of the economic situation there, they've moved twice in the last 5 years and are currently living with some of their friends.
We want to get a large enough place that we could have them move in with us if they'd like.
Julian's outlook is that if he goes by himself, he can crash with friends while he's there alone without housing of his own. He's a fairly light burden alone. I would hate to think of bringing in a family of 4 to "crash" at someone's house, especially someone that I don't know. So, I think if we all go together, we're doing the temporary apartment, rent by the week or the month thing. The one thing about that would be nice is that if we choose that option, I can pay for that in advance, so I would have at least a month of housing there, including utilies and maid service, paid for. The apartments don't include a crib for a baby, but I'm sure I could get/bring our bassinet to use in the short term. Enzo didn't want to sleep in his crib right away anyway.
Okay, I'm going to shut up now since I'm kind of rambling.
I am not at all surprised you are freaking out! You have a lot of changes coming up..huge changes!
I hope you can work it out so you can all go together...I am sure it will be rather overwhelming with a newborn, a toddler and an international move all by yourself..
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