Late night thoughts

Why is it that when I'm at work, I'm thinking about other things, and when I'm at home, I'm thinking about work?

I'm still so frustrated with work. I guess I mentioned in another post the whole situation. Anyway, my group is expanding at the beginning of the year since some functions we have been outsourcing are being brought in house. This is creating some new opportunities for work, as different groups are being created to fill the gaps that were previously handled by another company. I found out about the creation of one of these groups months ago, and expressed my interest in being in this group both to my direct supervisor as well as the supervisor who will be in charge of the new group. My direct supervisor told me that he recommended me for the position. I just found out today when I checked my email that I was not selected. It wasn't any more pay, just a chance to learn some different aspects of my job. Something to get me out of the rut that I'm in. When I look at the list of people who were selected, I think to myself, "Why them and not me?" I'm a good employee. I know my job well. I don't know how this department is making decisions about anything. It just seems funny to me. I didn't even get an interview for the supervisor position. Several in our department applied and are qualified, but only two were interviewed. I need to find a different job.

I sat down the other day with my supervisor and expressed how unhappy I am right now at work, and he feels the same way. He basically told me to stick it out, that I'm an excellent employee and that he would hate for our company to lose a good employee because of the department they were in.

It's just infuriating to me to see people who started with the company after me and who have been promoted multiple times. I know it's all politics, it has nothing to do with what you know, but who you know. I helped train one of the supervisors in my department when he started with the company a couple of years ago. And now he's my boss, making almost twice as much as I am.

I'm at the point where I just want to say "Fuck it" and walk out, leaving my badge on my desk. Does our management not realise how low the morale in our department is? Or do they just not care, as long as we're behaving like the robots they want, producing the desired numbers? One conclusion I've reached is that micromanagement and employee morale are inversely proportional.

When I joined this department, things weren't like they are now. It was fun to come to work. People were joking around at work. We felt more like a family. Work was getting done. I even volunteered to work on Thanksgiving Day last year from 06:00-10:00 because of a backlog we had. Would I do that now? Maybe for the extra money. Last year, the extra money was nice, sure, but I actually enjoyed my job. It was the first time in a long time that I liked what I was doing, so when I was given the opportunity to go from a temporary employee on loan from another department to a full-time permanent department member, I jumped at the chance. I now regret that decision. I'm not the type to have regrets. To me, what's done is done -- water under the bridge, so to speak. But I can honestly say that I probably would have been happier now if I had turned down the offer when it was extended to me. All I can do now is try to make the best of the situation while I'm here and keep applying for every job I see.